15 Tweets that Perfectly Sum Up Marriage
You know how they say no snowflakes are alike? But they are all snowflakes! That’s not unlike marriage, every one has it’s quirks, but if you are wearing a ring on your left hand, you’ll relate to the below.
Marriage is basically peeing with the door open and not caring.
— Amber (@Amburglar_) October 16, 2013
All I want is for you to love me and let me put my cold feet on you. #nosocks #marriedpeopleissues
— Erica Boland (@OtherBolandGirl) March 29, 2016
[out in public]
Me: A kid is crying.
Wife: It's not one of ours.
[we fist bump]
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015
When your husband opens chrome and types in "https://t.co/5hwdafaFh4" …everytime. #marriedpeopleissues
— Tiffany Roberts (@Trobet52) May 8, 2016
Trying to schedule my salon appt at just the right time to start a fight with my husband for not noticing my new haircut. #MarriedLife
— Meg B (@MegRunsSlowly) June 1, 2016
At least 10% of divorces can be avoided by buying bigger blankets
— X Alqee (@Xalqee) July 9, 2012
If at first you don't succeed maybe your wife will just do it for you from now on like that time I loaded the dishwasher.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 22, 2015
The best thing about being married is having someone who can tell you if something is disgusting or not…
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) February 24, 2016
Today's my husband's birthday, so…
*flips coin to see if I should shave above the knee*
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) January 29, 2016
Marriage is like coffee. First it's really hot. Then it's just right. Then it helps you get off your ass and do things.
— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) February 10, 2016
Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home.
— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) May 28, 2015
Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 30, 2015
Wife: Make the hotel reservation for date night.
Me: Hey, Hilton. Can you charge my card for a place my wife & I can go to sleep in at 9pm.
— Lance Burson (@lanceburson) January 29, 2016
.@daxshepard1 wasn't the first time it's been Googled on my phone.
— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 11, 2015
The hearing specialist my wife insisted I go see says my hearing is perfectly fine. My wife now insists I see a listening specialist.
— Lew Schneider (@notthatLew) June 1, 2016