Who would make a better husband? Batman or Superman.

The caped crusader or the man of steel? Superman had Lois Lane. Batman had Robin. No, wait…Catwoman. So let’s play and find out who is the ultimate super husband.

Who will likely…

Leave work early for you? Well, Batman needs to drive across town and sit in traffic to stop baddies. Superman can thwart a nuclear bomb threat and be back in time for pre-dinner cocktails. SUPERMAN

Who will bring you flowers? Before you even finish your rant about Superman washing his red cape with the white towels, he is back with fresh-cut tulips from Holland. Batman would bring flowers but you’d know it was really Alfred. SUPERMAN

Better in the sack? Superman has super strength. Err…maybe something else super. Batman is brooding, intense and his body is pretty bruised up. This might have to go to SUPERMAN

Drive you to yoga? Beat traffic in the Batmobile with minor collateral damage. The Batmobile must have a killer sound system for listening to NPR on the way. Does Superman even own a car? You can’t be flying all over town faster than a speeding bullet constantly. Think of your hair. BATMAN

Keep the house clean? Wayne manor has a butler. The Fortress of Solitude has…ice. Lots of ice. No contest. BATMAN

Cook you dinner? Superman dices and slices with his hands, kneads dough in an instant, and can brulee a custard with his laser eyes.  But again, Batman has Alfred. TIE.

Will always answer his phone? Supes might have an iPhone, (though no pockets.) But Batman has the Bat Signal. “I know you saw it, Bat, get home NOW!” BATMAN

Raise healthy and happy children? Batman fights for injustice based on the murder of his parents. Superman fights for truth, justice and the American way. Both are orphans with a lot of love to give. Batman will have killer surveillance systems and Superman will actually be able to hear and see what they are doing in the other room. So. I guess…TIE?

Buy the groceries? Anyone ever really see Superman eat? He’d be asking people in the dairy aisle how they make milk from almonds. BATMAN

Fix the Internet? The Batcave setup is no Best Buy chop-job. Batman has some next level IT experience and can definitely figure out why RHWOBH isn’t recording on the DVR. Superman’s technology is just listening really hard which doesn’t have as many practical applications. BATMAN

Get along with your family? Batman has a tortured past but also a refined sense of culture. Also, he is a human. How would your parents feel about an alien from outer space with a penchant for spandex? BATMAN

Defend you in front of his parents? Non issue on both accounts. (Too soon?) TIE

Whisk you away on a spontaneous romantic adventure? Batman could take you to Tahiti on a private jet. Superman could take you to the moon. With no jet lag. SUPERMAN

Listen to your problems? Superman might be listening to you and, then again, he might be listening to the game on your neighbor’s TV and just nodding along. Batman is emotionally stunted and might trivialize your girlfriend drama problems by saying ‘well at least your parents weren’t murdered in front of you by a madman that you had to devote your life’s work to bringing to justice’ Ugh forget it, I’ll just call Carol. TIE FOR LAST

Run errands? Batman is great for picking out fine wine to pair with an imported cheese platter. But all basic errands are going to be a win for Superman. Tampons, ice, truckload of firewood, an espresso from Italy, he’s your guy. Your weekend chores are going to be done before breakfast.  SUPERMAN

Bring you to work functions? Superman, nay, Clark is a reporter. And not a great one because he’s always leaving as soon as a scoop comes in. He literally runs out of the room when someone mentions a crime. There is no way he is respected around the office. Plus, newspapers are broke so any work function is probably BYOB. Bruce Wayne on the other hand, damn, he has some work juice. His name is on the freaking building. Plus it seems like his main job is throwing lavish philanthropic galas which will require you to have a closet full of badass ball gowns. BATMAN

Give you his coat when you’re cold. How about give you his cape? TIE.