In any relationship, there are many tedious jobs that regularly need to be checked off the to-do list. Taking out the garbage, doing the laundry, raking the leaves, cleaning the bathroom, paying the bills, and on and on. But the one thing that should never become a chore is sex.

Sure, you’re both constantly being pulled in different directions with work and family commitments and are most likely exhausted at the end of each day, but sex isn’t just another task to be completed before you move onto the next one. And that is one of the main issues, among others, that husbands should understand during intimate moments with their wives.


  1. You Don’t Get Bonus Points For Speed

We get it. You’re excited that you and your wife finally have alone time and can do anything and everything you both want in the bedroom. That’s all the more reason that you shouldn’t just rush into sex, but rather take it slow and make the most of the moment. Sex and relationship expert Megan Fleming, Ph.D stresses that while not all women or wives are turned on by the same things, there may be some patterns as to where husbands are falling short sexually. “A common thing I hear in my practice is that men like to ‘Go for the Gold’ meaning they haven’t been kissing and caressing,” Fleming says. “It’s more of a version of ‘Do you wanna…?’ and the next thing you know she feels like he’s grabbing for her vagina.”

  1. Embrace Foreplay

So, what’s a guy who really, really, really wants to have sex with his wife to do then? Dr. Jane Greer, New York based marriage and sex therapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, advises, “Don’t rush foreplay. Women really enjoy a slow hand and a lot of foreplay, love sweet talk, and love feeling sexy and feeling like they are attractive to you. Compliment them on how desirable they are to you.” We promise, the extra time and attention you give your wife won’t hurt.

  1. Take It Easy

The song “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” may have won Daft Punk a Grammy, but it won’t win you any praise from your wife if that’s your approach in the bedroom. “A lot of guys have trouble adjusting their touch to the level that women prefer,” Michael Aaron, Ph.D., a New York-based sex therapist in private practice, says. “Guys may think that they are being sensual, but women may often experience their touch as too rough.” Bottom line here, make sure you and your wife are on the same page as to what feels good and what doesn’t. “For some women, stimulating their nipples or clitoris before they’re sufficiently aroused will be a source of frustration and irritation rather than a turn-on,” Greer adds. “Before you stimulate any areas around the breasts or genitals, make sure your partner is aroused through kissing and stroking. Ensure there is some excitement already there before you move forward.”

  1. It’s Not All About You

“If you come before her and stop, without following up to make sure she orgasmed as well, that can be a turn-off,” Greer says. There are definitely some guys out there who believe that sex is over as soon as they climax. Don’t be one of those guys. “Keep in mind the Golden vs. the Platinum Rule,” Fleming says. “Do unto your partner sexually what really turns them on vs. the Golden (what turns you on).”

 5. Know The Basics

For a word with only three letters, sex sure is complicated. That’s why it’s important for you to do learn if your moves are actually turning your wife on rather than just getting her close to an orgasm—but ultimately letting her down in the end.  Do your research: there are a number of excellent guides available such as She Comes First by Ian Kerner and Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind Blowing Sex. Fleming points out that two thirds of women don’t orgasm from penetration alone and need extra clitoral stimulation. Any techniques you learn along the way will enhance your love life and deepen your sexual connection. The more you know….